You all know my story of having cancer, but what few, if any of you know is how much I struggled after my battle with cancer. I tried not to really let anybody know and just keep it all inside, but several years after my battle with cancer I realized the battle was still going on!
I may not have been in the hospital fighting for my life, but I was still fighting with cancer. I realized that cancer still had a hold of me because I couldn't do anything without having that nagging feeling in me what if my cancer comes back? Every little pain or ailment I had I would worry that it was cancer. I wouldn't go to the doctor though because honestly I didn't want to know whether it was cancer or not. I was stressed and depressed.
A few years ago I hurt my back at work. I went to a doctor I had never been to before, Dr. Sam Applebaum. In that first visit with him he was reading over my history and he saw that I had had cancer before. He asked if I was still going to the oncologist and I told him I hadn't. He asked why and I told him it was because it was too stressful for me. His next question for me was if I had ever talked to a counselor, which I hadn't. He thought it was a good idea just so I could talk to someone and get over my stress and fear of it. Deep down inside I knew he was right. Honestly, it was something that I had thought about even before talking to him. Everyone was always saying how strong I was and how inspirational I was and I just wanted to shout, "No, no I'm not! I'm scared that I'm gonna get sick again!" Then I went to see Dr. Applebaum and he understood. He did tell me that he thought it would be a good idea for me to go see an oncologist and asked if I wanted to go see one. At that point I wasn't ready, but he didn't push me. He just told me to let him know when I was ready.
About a month went by and I began having sharp pains in my stomach and trouble breathing. I was convinced something was wrong, but I was scared to tell anyone too. I didn't want to worry my parents or my friends so I just kept it inside and I didn't say anything. I had to go see Dr. Applebaum to get my blood pressure checked so I decided I was going to talk to him about it. I told him the problems I was having and he started asking me other questions that would be signs that something was wrong and most of them I could answer no too. He asked what I was worried about and I told him I was worried that I was getting sick again. He told me that he thought everything was ok, but he really thought I should go to the oncologist to make sure and to put my mind at rest too. I decided he was right, and so I said that I would go.
Leading up to my appointment with the oncologist I was really nervous and stressed. The day of my appointment I felt stressed and sick. I met with the oncologist and he told me that I looked fine and healthy. He felt my stomach and it felt fine too. He did however tell me that I needed to get my blood work done again because one of my counts was elevated, but he told me that that could just be my how my counts normally were, but he wanted to make sure. I got my blood done again and sure enough nothing was wrong that particular count was just normal for my blood.
From that day on things were different! I did feel better. I wasn't as stressed anymore! I'm not afraid anymore to live my life. I'm fighting for what I'm passionate about (finding a cure for cancer)! I'm going to school to become a Child Life Specialist!
So to Dr. Applebaum I say, Thank You! I wouldn't have this new outlook if it weren't for you encouraging me to see an oncologist!
To cancer I say, Kiss my ass cancer! You don't control my life anymore! In the words of Maya Thompson F U Cancer!
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